The Unofficial Furman Football Page

apaladin wrote: ↑

Thu Apr 11, 2024 11:05 pm

Wish this stupid not funny thread would go away. Don’t think I can take it for 5 more months, of course I don’t waste my time reading the silliness so it’s ok. Carry on with the non-sense.

Its not supposed to be funny, and you know it. We're trying to build a mojo here.

Serious questions for apaladin:
1-Did you think Napolean Dynamite was genius or stupid?
2-When the News reports that a dangerous animal (like a gorilla) escaped its enclosure at the zoo, do you secretly wish you were there or think it tragic?
3-Was the streaking fad pushing the boundaries of a new art form or was it pointless and wrong?
4-What do you think of West Staines Massive?
5-Was PDQ Bach wonderful or did you not get it?

Your answers will help us build a better mojo. Thank you in advance.

Love,
FUTex

Thoughts?




How might this affect mojo creation / execution?

Holy Carp and dangit! Those Mississippi boys got Joey Chestnut and a high jump contest and they were pushing a golf cart! They are building one powerful mojo.

Oh man, I sure hope we can get Alexander Stubb to beat a possum to death. Maybe if we could get any Finnish official. We'll let them dress any way they want and use an old shoe for the beating implement if they want to.

Do you think apaladin would be willing to recite William Faulkner while beating a Myrtle Beach Vomit Eater to death with discarded Paladin Stadium seatback? Its not as good as Alexander Stubb and a golf club, but maybe it would work.

Still no word from Alexander Stubb nor anyone from the Finnish Government.

Joey Chestnut siding with Ol' Miss, Bootie is AWOL, and possums are probably gorging themselves on unwholesome chunks as we speak. The world has gone all catty-wampus.

FAMNN BATT CCLOT

Translation:

Thank you for an excellent meeting @SwedishPM Ulf Kristersson.

We discussed the close defense and security cooperation between Finland and Sweden, both within NATO and bilaterally, our common interests in business and technology, our support for Ukraine and global issues. Finland and Sweden are indeed closer than ever.


FUBeAR absolutely believes that “global issues” is a direct reference to Mississippi Meth Possum bashing AND, perhaps, in the true spirit of international Scandinavian cooperation, bringing the Swedish Bikini Team with him to support his mission in Oxford this Fall. He will be reaching out to Tex soon…almost certainly.

As an expert in Scandinavian politics and rhetorical semantics (I took Russian History from Dr. Lavery) I have no other option but to agree with FUBear’s analysis.

FUTex wrote: ↑

Fri Apr 12, 2024 2:07 am

apaladin wrote: ↑

Thu Apr 11, 2024 11:05 pm

Wish this stupid not funny thread would go away. Don’t think I can take it for 5 more months, of course I don’t waste my time reading the silliness so it’s ok. Carry on with the non-sense.

Its not supposed to be funny, and you know it. We're trying to build a mojo here.

Serious questions for apaladin:
1-Did you think Napolean Dynamite was genius or stupid?
2-When the News reports that a dangerous animal (like a gorilla) escaped its enclosure at the zoo, do you secretly wish you were there or think it tragic?
3-Was the streaking fad pushing the boundaries of a new art form or was it pointless and wrong?
4-What do you think of West Staines Massive?
5-Was PDQ Bach wonderful or did you not get it?

Your answers will help us build a better mojo. Thank you in advance.

Love,
FUTex

I’ll answer your questions.

1. Napoleon was neither genius nor stupid. He was just was. Now his brother, Kip, Genius.
2. The Gorilla at the LA zoo snatched my glasses right off of my face. Took the keys to my BMW and left me in his place.
3.Streaking was pointless but not wrong. Who doesn’t like to streak?
4. Never seen it. Didn’t he do some movies with Jenna Jameson?
5. Get it? Didn’t order it.

Thank you Bear and Cave.

Alexander Stubb has ignored me before, and I think its something of his "go to" play. Maybe he's playing hard to get. But seeing that photo of Alexander Stubb with the Swedish President was devastating. I'm hoping its an old photo from back when he was going through that phase. I'm such a better catch than that hideous Michael J Fox wannabe.

Kip is indeed to be admired. First, he caught the bountiful LaFawnduh. Second, he went toe-to-toe with Rex from Rex Kwon Do (and sure he lost but how many guys have the guts to go up against that machine?). Third, he is a direct sales master, not afraid to fail. Fourth, he is an accomplished electric application engineer, knowing how to get those last seconds out of a time machine. Oh, I could go on and on, what with his talking of babes online all day, training to be a cage fighter, and not scared to admit at 32 years old he still warrants a babysitter.

I vote we all look on the brightside and go with Bear's idea that maybe, just maybe, Alexander Stubb is strategizing with Ulf Kristersson on how we're going to beat Ole' Miss, those bastages.

Holy Snikies! Check out the Deputy Prime Minister of Sweden, Ebba Busch. This is the opposite of marsupialization.

Perhaps it is time to secure the services of Three Year Letterman as our mojo enhancer. The guy excels at everything he attempts. He is a youth football coaching legend, a legal and political expert, real estate czar (he owns a timeshare in Pigeon Forge), and he owns a waterbed. He drinks and pretty much rules any Beef O'Brady's he enters and he has an Uncle Gary that will always back you in a fight!

Check him out on Twitter. He could be our guy.

Fred Garvin wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 24, 2024 10:38 am

Perhaps it is time to secure the services of Three Year Letterman as our mojo enhancer. The guy excels at everything he attempts. He is a youth football coaching legend, a legal and political expert, real estate czar (he owns a timeshare in Pigeon Forge), and he owns a waterbed. He drinks and pretty much rules any Beef O'Brady's he enters and he has an Uncle Gary that will always back you in a fight!

Check him out on Twitter. He could be our guy.

*debt-free waterbed

FUBeAR wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 24, 2024 10:52 am

Fred Garvin wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 24, 2024 10:38 am

Perhaps it is time to secure the services of Three Year Letterman as our mojo enhancer. The guy excels at everything he attempts. He is a youth football coaching legend, a legal and political expert, real estate czar (he owns a timeshare in Pigeon Forge), and he owns a waterbed. He drinks and pretty much rules any Beef O'Brady's he enters and he has an Uncle Gary that will always back you in a fight!

Check him out on Twitter. He could be our guy.

*debt-free waterbed

Purchased new from Wes Bolick.

I won't lie to you people - things are not going well trying to get President Stubb to beat a possum to death with a toy golf club.

Does anyone know of a Furman alum Prime Minister or President in the portal that we could pick up if President Stubb won't commit to bashing a vomit eater?

I am NOT panicking...

Yet, we are a scant four months away from going to toe-to-toe with those milksops and poltroons in Oxford. We may (just may) not be able to get Alexander Stubb to ceremoniously beat a possum to death whilst wearing lederhosen and a pointy hat. So, what I have done is called upon Doc (yes, the Doc) to help build this mojo. Old time UFFPers will recall that it was Doc and I who closed the evil portal in Charleston back in 2005, thus allowing the Paladins to prevail over The Citadel in 3OT. That was yeoman's work, that was.

Doc is hard at work as we speak. So far he has sent me a video on the pagan roots of Roman Catholicism, which I am taking as a side-swipe to my ardent Anglicanism. And while that is not at all germane to the task at hand, at least he's starting some research.

We are NOT going to lose in Oxford. We just need to get our energies focused and aligned.

FUBeAR believes that in lieu of making a personal appearance, Furmanite President Stubb has created this lecture series solely for the purpose of developing the winning Ole Miss Mojo.

Sure, he masked it with a lot of geopolitical mumbo-jumbo, but if you listen between the lines you will hear the wise counsel he is providing to us.

A couple of hints…
* Ukraine = Possum
* Russia = Ole Miss
* Finland…actually, anything to do with Finland, President Stubb, or almost any country other than Russia, China, Iran, or North Korea = Furman
* Georgia = the US State of Georgia
* Crimea = Alabama, the state; not the Football Team
* United Nations = NCAA
* EU = SEC (the Conference, not the Commission)

Wait until you get to Episode 9 when it all comes together, but don’t skip ahead or you just won’t get it.